Saying Goodbye

Hey hi hello

This one is going to be rough. Here’s your warning; pet loss.

Last December I took on the heavy honor of taking photos for my sister & her family of her old dog Bella the night before they were to say goodbye. Bella was a stocky little bluenose pitbull that I so lovingly would refer to as a “keg with legs”. She had been one of two of my sisters’ longtime companions; the second, Arsen, had passed somewhat abruptly the year prior of cancer. When they knew Bella was ready, and to ensure they let her go with dignity and as much grace as possible, they had scheduled the vet to visit and lay her to sleep in the comfort of her home, surrounded by the ones who loved her the most. The evening before they asked that my husband and I come visit, to say goodbye and so I could take some photos.

The experience I had was shattering. The entire evening, I took as many photos as I possibly could of Bella while the whole family gave her loves and treats, all while doing my best to maintain my composure. When it was time to go home, I hugged my sister, told her I loved her and expressed how lucky Bella was to have her as her mom. The moment the door closed behind us; I. Lost. It. Every ounce of poise I might have had fell away from me in a split second. I was a mess for our drive home and very eager to get there so I could go through the photos. Not to mention how anxious I was to get home and hug my dogs, Dakx & Grimlock.

The whole situation solidified for me that when it was my dogs time to go, I wanted to be able to get some photos done, give him a beautiful last day & let him peacefully go at home. Little did I know, I wouldn’t be granted those opportunities. On an unusually warm Sunday afternoon, about a month after that night in December, just as we were leaving the house to go for a walk; my sweet old boy Dakx suddenly left us without any warning. The last picture I was able to take of him was of his big, cold paw, cradled in a blanket with his collar while we said our last goodbyes at the emergency vet. Not exactly the final image I wanted of him, and I still feel robbed of the last day I had painted in my mind.

Now, is this whole blog a roundabout way of saying “hey, hire me to take pictures of your old pets – we don’t actually know how long they have”? No. That would be a pretty big dick move to play on people’s emotions like that. I will definitely do pet photography when asked, but I also know there are pet photographers out there who specialize in “Our Last Day” sessions, who would most certainly be able to keep it together better than I could.

Truth be told I started writing this blog months and months ago in an attempt to process my grief and talk about something important while keeping it photo related at the same time, but the thought of being this vulnerable (especially on the internet) scared the hell out of me. It still does, but at least now I can talk about this without immediately tearing up…mostly. I want to wrap this up by stressing to take as many pictures as you can, be it on your phone or hiring someone. Even with 90% of the pictures on my phone being pictures of my dogs, it will never be enough.

                Thanks for reading xox